How often do you sit in a class of 56 people, among whom are people who are Olympians, rock stars in Austria, member of a family who owns 5% of the GDP of Portugal, and many of whom have started their own companies across the globe and made millions? And all of them, have distinguished themselves academically and done well in their GMAT to make it a top business school? Everyday. 

I know I've not been terribly enthusiastic about class, but today i was reminded why I am here. Every Monday and Friday, the class would take turns to talk about who we are and where we want to be. I've always been astounded by what some of my classmates have done.

In college, you see so much potential. But the amazing thing about doing a mid-career MBA program is that you not only their potential (which is literally boundless), but also their achievements. I am humbled. 

It also made me realise the power of dreams. Not many Singaporeans dream. But, as one of them put it today, "You can't have a dream come true, if you don't dream." Dream on!

Baby Benjy

So, confirmed boy. The doctor says. It's hard to describe how R and I felt when Dr Liu pointed to the scan and asked, "Did I already tell you about the sex of the baby? I said 80% chance boy? Well, confirmed boy ah!" I suppose at that point, being a Chinese doctor speaking to a Chinese, he was expectng me to jump for joy that the Lau family line is truly secure. After all, we have been calling the baby "Benjamin" for the longest time, haven't we?

Seeing that he was not going to get the Jump of Ecstatic Joy, he promptly took these two photos. "Wah, look at his arm ah. So strong! Just like a man. And his face, so good-looking ah? High forehead."

I smiled. Actually, I think having two sons, close in age, would be loads of fun. I just have to be realistic about having a quiet and peaceful home for some years! Looks like R and I will be getting some ear muffs and seriously child-proofing the home when we get back.

The Joy of Being Sick

So I've been quite ill the past few days. Started with a horrible seafood lunch that wasn't fresh,and before I knew it, I was out running to the toilet for some liquidation. In accounting terms, as I am learning in business school, there was some serious LIFO (last-in-first-out), followed by FIFO (first-in first-out). If you're not an accountant, and don't get the joke, don't worry one tiny bit. Just know that it was a double-dose of suffering!

It is not my intention to go into excruciating details on the time and location of my discretions, but to reflect on the amazing ability of sickness to bring us back dead-centre on what matters most to us. 

As I lay in bed with a churning tummy, wondering when I would get down to some serious sleeping, I prayed. I've been reading Philip Yancey's "Prayer". It has given me much comfort as I struggle in the materialism of business school. There is a God. He hears us; no, he WANTS to hear us. Above all the din of accounting, economics, modeling, organisatonal behaviour, and what-nots, the silence of a God listening in breaks through the sweat of a diarrheatic moment -- silent, not moving, clutching my belly, in the middle of the night.

I prayed to get well. But only after I learn more about praying, and putting first things first.

A Moment

Life's made of moments -- the most important being the present. In my struggle to make sense of the situation, I find myself looking to the future too often, and the past more frequently than I should. I wished some things were as they were when we were back in Singapore -- the comfort and support of families and friends. Trusted people who can help us through the daily grind. People we know. If the past holds no solace, then I look beyond, to the future... of the kind of room that Benjamin would have, and the kind of things I would do back in the workplace. In short, I engage in escapism -- anything but the present.

Ruth and I like this photo I took of her standing in Crissy Fields one cold morning. The stately Golden Gate in the background, and it seemed as if she was all alone; and me, the photographer, sipping the moment with her. I could feel myself "present". It was a nice place to be, to be present.

Be present. Tomorrow, when I go to my classes, I need to be present. I have only today. Jesus tells us the same message -- who knows about tomorrow? Today, what difference can I make? What peace can I find? What friend can I make? In other words, how can I be alive in the moment of the present -- and not be spirited away into the past or the future...

Starting Again

So I've started business school. All the preparations since June have finally come to this -- the actual studying. I must say I am not quite prepared for it, despte having settled nearly everything I thought I'd need to settle before starting classes. I just don't feel ready for school.

I wonder if everyone who goes back to school after working more than 8 years feels quite the same way. I'd have imagined myself enjoying school after working so hard; but the strange thing is that I actually miss the excitement of work. Words on the cold pages of textbooks descrbing abstract concepts with vague relation to real life and real people somehow doesn't seem quite worth buckling down for long nights. 

I am sure I'll get into the swing of things eventually, but I am surprised that the transition is not all sweet and honey as I had thought it'd be! I used to think it was because I'm in school again with family and a baby -- but I now think it has more to do with findng a connection between books and reality. I know I will find it eventually -- I just hope it is soon!!! 

At the Edge of the World

Continuing a tradition that Mel and I started two years back, we went diving over National Day weekend. Two years ago, we went with three other ladies (one of whom was my wife) to Perhentian (via train). Last year, I took a dive with baby Dan. This year, Mel and I went to Sipadan.

Sipadan is one of the more unusual places in the world. Sworn by Cousteau to be the "best diving site in the world", it is a coral atoll sitting out from the edge of the Borneo continental shelf. It's a coral atoll the size of St Johns Island, but a wall that goes down hundreds of metres into the ocean. A sharp pinprick in the ocean, no less.

However, it is also an eco-tourism disaster these days. When Cousteau first discovered the island 3 or 4 decades ago, it was virgin dive site. It must have been awesome. Then the resorts came (inevitably). The sedimentation and pollution started, and the corals started dying. The more people flocked to see the wonders of Sipadan, the more they were killing it. And now, there are practically no living corals left.But the big fishes still come for some reason. We did catch the famous barracudas by the thousands. Absolutely overwhelming sight.



However, even for these majestic creatures, the dive guides commented how their populations are also dwindling....

I wrote in my journal some time back after a similar dive trip, that divers are sad sea gypsies. They roam the seas hoping to find a pristine dive site, only to be disappointed each time. If the corals are their lovers, they also know in their hearts that the more they see of her, the more they are killing her. Corals die if you touch them; so with each embrace, you are killing your own lover -- touch by touch, dive by dive.

Yet, the seas are hauntingly beautiful. I feel myself drawn to its vastness, and its majesty. If you have ever been in a small boat in choppy seas, you'll learn to respect it. Yet, we are killing it. We have killed the forests; and now we are killing the seas.

I do wonder if there will be anything left for Baby Dan to see when he grows up. Perhaps not. Perhaps all he will ever see of the creatures I've gawked at this weekend would be at the Underwater World. But perhaps (I hope vainly) that the seas are more resilient than we imagine.

Daniel Goes to Thailand *again*

After our rather successful attempt to lug around HeWhoWails in Phuket for 3 days last year, we decided to go on a real vacation with him in Bangkok and Hua Hin. It had the usual ups and downs of being with a baby -- days when he's so absolutely adorable you can pinch his cheeks for hours saying "goo-ga-ga" and days when you have to keep praying to stop yourself from giving him a good hiding.

Ok, so let's start with the good bits. Ok, I am shameless. I think Daniel is really cute. These are pictures of us at the Oriental in Bangkok. He was in a good mood that day and the weather was gorgeous -- not too hot, but light enough for a warm picture.

The Oriental is a great place to hang out. At first we wanted to go to the older building but they had some special events there and didn't want to take us in. So we wandered to the other cafe, which is really nice as it opens out to the Chao Praya. And of course, while we are there, with all the lovely Thai food all around us, and the best of English tea, we had to order the very special Oriental Steak Burger. YUMS the word. Enjoying the view; it took us a good two hours to devour this beast of a Burger:





Daniel got to know MacLing's Baby Eyeore really well on the train from Bangkok to Hua Hin (200km south). He was already pouncing on the poor little purpling and chewing its head off in Singapore before the trip. Somehow, he developed a very sweet tenderness toward the little donkey, and he was caught nooching him like a best buddy, or picking lice off his rather unkempt mane.




Hua Hin itself wasn't a great place. In fact, it was rather empty considering that it was the European summer and our (horrid because it gave us a small room) Marriott hotel was 100% occupied.






Ok, so there were a few sunbathers. a *few*. And the horses; there were more horses than tourists at some parts. It makes one wonder about the kind of dreams the touts were pandering to -- some deep-seat European vision of horse-riding on the beach, which is, of course, totally lost on urban Singaporeans.

Daniel learnt a few useful things. In the morning, he learnt that the Bangkok Post is actually quite a refreshing read after his earlier attempts to wade through the *ahem* in the Straits Times.



And then, he settled down to a royal Thai buffet, which got rather repetitive after a few days -- so he was quite pleased chomping down the bread that mom and dad proffered.



The highlight of the Hua Hin leg of the trip was this gorgeous restaurant, called "Let's Sea" (yes, the Thais have to work on their English word play). We called up the day before to make reservations and were very pleasantly surprised they gave us the gorgeous red couch (one of two) that faced the open sea. It was a very beautiful setting to watch the sunset, and it went mighty well with the gorgeous (and incidentally very tasty) meal that came along with the setting.



So yes, those were the "good" days. Actually, now that I've put down how enjoyable the trip was, the "bad" days with Danny didn't seem all that important or significant after all. I mean, he was *annoying*. And living with him in the same room for four days in the puny room at the Marriott is not something I'd *ever* want to do again. But all in all, with some selective memory, the trip was rather enjoyable. Well, at least i think Dan had a whale of a time (though he did come down with diarrhea on the last day of the trip).




I think Ruth and I would gladly do this again. There's something about Bangkok and babies. But I think maybe it's just the really cheap air fare and er ... the really yummy food and pretty places, and ....