Woohooo!! Look at Me Hands!

Look Daddy! Bunny Ears! No kidding. This kid has amazing control of his fretful hands. He uses them to punch people who love him, and push away the breast that feeds. And to humble himself once in a while, he puts them on his head to make strange funny faces. Just this afternoon, he did a left hand salute with the utmost dignity and sobriety.

And his belly is beginning to show! Gulping down a torrent of 100ml of milk each feed, this boy grew an amazing 600g in a week. Yes, a week. My mom says he had the same appetite as I had when I was a weeny little boy, but I am just amazed. Simply amazed.

They say that kids grow quickly, and I never knew that they meant it literally. In just 10 days since Daniel erupted into this world, he has visited two hospitals, one clinic (several times), had 2 injections, had another 8 needles poked all over his body for blood, suffered from erythema toxicum something something (little red patches with pus in the centre), changed more than a hundred diapers (during which he tried out 4 different brands), drank about 7kg of milk (twice his weight -- just imagine the amount of poop), shed off his umbilical cord, met more than 50 relatives and friends (not to mention more than 10 nurses fussing over him), experienced the coolness of a mustela barrier cream on his ass, peed on his mom, pooped (catapulted, rather) on his confinement lady, driven around more than 5 times in a car, enjoyed sun tanning three times, made 4 new friends (soft-toys), and well! Can anyone say that about himself or herself in the past ten days? Holed up in the cubicle, typing out emails and reports -- boy, if only life ahead will be just as interesting =)

Look at Me! I'm Cute!

Why are babies cute? A bundle of life, a new beginning? I don't know. Babies are just cute. Real cute, especially if they are yours. We can't help but take multiple pictures of Daniel in various poses, with his eyes closed, his mouth yawning, etc. This one is my favourite today. He's currently warded at KK for jaundice (blame the ginger!), and we've been to and fro-ing from home to breast feed him. I guess that explains the slight tinge of anger you see on his face.

For a five day old kid, he's really quite strong, grabbing things rather tenaciously, as if determined to exert his presence. And his searching piercing eyes, ever so full of meaning, taking in all the information it can to keep pace with his rapidly expanding brain. And the chubby cheeks, red from Daddy's rubbing. Isn't he cute??!! =)

You're Too Good to be True

You're too good to be true, I can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much .... I never thought I'd be singing this to anyone but my wife, but the tune does ring in my head when I look upon my newborn son, Daniel, born 16 Aug 05, 7.50pm, under the safe hands of Dr Tan Hak Koon. It has been a most memorable four days since R was admitted to SGH on Mon, 15 Aug with a 4cm dilation.

It's one of the "true" truisms that you'd never understand parenthood till you become one. Amidst the euphoria of bringing a child to this world, fears and doubts also abound -- in a heady mixture of sleeplessness. While I want to hold Daniel and promise him the world, I also know that he would disappoint one day; that he'd make some really bad decisions, and say some really hurtful things to pain his parents -- hopefully unintentionally. Yet, I know he will also bring tremendous joy in those moments when you realise you had given him the right values and beliefs to ground him firmly in the fear of the Lord. Trepiditious joy, that's what it is.

I think he looks a lot like R, with her nose and searching solemn eyes, which is perhaps why I find it so easy to form a strong sense of attachment. Within the first few seconds after he was sucked out of his mother's womb by a mighty vacuum, his eyes were wide open, searching for understanding of this strange, noisy, and cold world that he had come into. He looked at me. I held his tiny hands. Holding him was my JC school-mate (now a doctor), and he congratulated me. His eyes; they just gaze as if they knew that this would be the man who could either make his life a joy or a living hell.

We have been praying a lot. Nothing reminds us of our own mortality and fragility like a baby. Our utter dependence on God is often masked by our little achievements in life (oh, look, I can do this, or that), but a baby just lies on his bed, crying, hapless except perhaps for the air he breathes. Actually, we're all like that too. I wonder if Daniel in his deepest delusions think that he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, just we do of ourselves.

The thoughts, they keep coming. I turn to R and we remind one another of what a wonderful friend told us from the UK -- we're 2+1, not 3. R is still my wife, and I am still her husband. We're one. This baby, given by God, is our joint love, pain, joy, and responsibility. And the best way we can provide for him is to have a strong marriage firmly under God's loving hand. Yes, in a strange way, in the midst of all the jubilations, I draw quiet strength from the fact that R is (in the words of Elder Michael Lee) "freehold" but our baby is only "leasehold" ... but oh, what a wonderful leasehold it is going to be!