So I am 31
There's something anti-climatic about being 31. Please don't mistake me -- every birthday is as enjoyable, esplecially when one wakes up to a CYC shirt from wife. But there's a decidedly middle-age feel to being 31. Aw come on! those in their 40s and 50s will scream; but honestly, think back when you were 31. It felt like you had gone being in the swinging twenties and found yourself firmly in a mid-life land. Not that this is a bad thing; I am actually enjoying it very much. Teenage angst feels like a bad dream, and loneliness? Hmm.. Yes, I vaguely remember how miserable it felt, especially on a long stretch.
Of course, life isn't without trouble. Just this morning, I was conned like a tourist in my own land at the Underwater World. "Free Photo Taking" says the sign -- "photo printing" on the other hand .... The challenges of life are less immediate and obvious. The pitfalls have nice thick leaves covering their gaping mouths. For one, it is easy to get complacent in midlife. You've got a house, a car, a wife, and a very cute baby, and you think life can't be better. I was talking to PE who was back in Singland for a 3 weeks recently. He said he was browsing some books and one caught his eye: "Don't Waste Your life". I believe it was a book by John Piper. I love Piper (am devouring his "God is Gospel" now). I read through the except of the book and it was about how easily life could have gone astray in the midst of comfort and worldly dreams.
At 31, it is too late to "start again" (not that I want to). Most of life's major decisions have been made. I have chosen the woman who will "grow old with me". And we have chosen to have a son who will be our responsibility till we breathe our last. I am very happy with those decisions. Now what? Now, as it has always been, is to thank God for his blessings and to use these gifts for his purposes.
So if there's a prayer for me; it will be to hang fast to him in love (Psalm 91), even as life appears to be more settled, and I more content. My present state is not an end in itself -- it is the foundation that God has given me that I don't deserve, for the good works he has prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph 2:10)
2 Comments:
Hi Bim
Happy 31st B'day.Congratulations on a very happy family - a lovely wife, one whom you have chose to "grow old with" , a great little one, a great job...what else...all in all, sincere & heartiest congrats!!
I gues you'd be the "right" person to ask this question...hope you could shed some light, if not help me out with some guidance and clear answers...
I'm certainly NOT as articulate and eloquent as you, hence, bear with me if the construction of my sentences don't flow/make little sense.......
Seeing that you are happily married (it glows and radiates SO brightly on both yours and Ruth's face), ok here's my really tough, toughy question...
What happens if you realized the person you married, is NOT the one you love? I.e you don't him/her? but you ARE married to him/her?
a) we can't divorce, as we are Christians and the other party has not committed adultery, in fact, the other party LOVES you deeply!
b) by remaining married to the marriage (note, I used "marriage" here, not him/her), is it fair to him/her and God?(Becoz we need to be true to God, no?) coz ther's NO love. Just companionship. It was a SERIOUS mistake from the start yes...so, what choice of action does one have? None?
c) so, this person who is married to someone he/she doesn't love, has to remained married to him/her and remain feeling empty/unhappy, if not miserable/lost/loveless? True, no?
When there is NO love, the eye sees only faults and flaws...
In the eye of love, it is blinded to flaws and faults...
Your thoughts AND advice, please...
Rgds
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
The simple answer to your complex questions (and emotions) is that marriage is not primarily about happiness. Of course, marriage is a beautiful thing -- God created it to be a reflection of Christ marrying the church! (See Ephesians 5:31-33)
But the strange thing is that when we seek happiness and happiness only in marriage, then we will only find misery and more misery because we will find our sinful selves reflected everywhere, and as you had put it, "eyes see only fault and flaws."
And who are we to find fault? As Christians, we know how sinful we are. In marriage, we should be even more keenly aware of our sins because we will somehow manage to hurt the one we love.
I am no marriage counselor. But I know that nothing happens without reason. I am glad you know that divorce is not an option. I would like to suggest that you speak to someone about how you feel; preferably a lady friend who loves God very much.
From my own experience in marriage, the more you dwell on your own misery, the more miserable you become. The more you love your spouse and help point them to Christ, the more you will love them, and lift yourself from your own selfish misery.
Christ came to save us from ourselves. We are ruined! We are wretched! We will definitely be doomed if we look only to our own happiness.
I would like to leave you with the prayer from St Francis, and encourage you to look to Christ when you are feeling down (which marriage doesn't have its lows?), so that you find His Will in your life, and marriage:
"O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
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